It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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