Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
