sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
