did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
