you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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