I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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