I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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