you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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