hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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