Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
