My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
