so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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