So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
only you would photoshop your dick
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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