tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
