Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
