Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
