Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The air taste purple.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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