i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
