Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
and i looked up. we had an audience...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
