We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
