EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
