FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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