Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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