I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
