My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
