We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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