Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
