Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
