i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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