____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
