we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
