I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
