I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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