I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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