you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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