Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
