dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
