I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
