and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
