i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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