Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
