Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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