i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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