Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
