If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
