I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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