if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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