i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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