Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
