Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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