You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
