Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
