Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
