I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize