Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
