we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
