Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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