I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
